The Rediscovery of Kylo Ren
by Penelope Copplestone
Summary: After being commissioned to write a biographical account of Kylo Ren, a journalist discovers more than she bargained for.
1. Terms and Letters

Author's Note: This is my first Star Wars fanfic. If you spot any errors, please let me know. The story takes place thirty-three to thirty-four years after the Battle of Yavin. This was inspired by various things: from _World War Z_ to Adam Driver to a book I've read when I was younger called _Trial by Journal_. I really enjoyed writing this, so I hope you enjoy reading it as well.

* * *

Colonel Stren Gibbs  
Head of Operations  
Office of the Department of Public Relations and Propaganda  
First Order - Galactic North Headquarters

Twelfth Month, Third Day, Thirty-Third Year A.B.Y

Colonel Gibbs:

Greetings!

It is with noble intentions aligned with the Supreme Leader's remarkable political vision that I present to you this modest proposal for the publication of a full biographical account of the Dark Enforcer himself, Master Kylo Ren. As a loyal servant to the Order, the _Gazette_ hopes that the promulgation of the aforementioned material will further educate our organization on one of the greatest leaders in history, as well as inspire, motivate, and boost the morale of our troops throughout the galaxy. Upon completion, we will submit the first draft to you for review prior to publication.

In line with this, I humbly request your permission for my representative, JA 40916, to conduct a series of interviews with relevant persons in the Order, including, if he allows it, His Excellency, General Hux.

I pray you would consider this proposition and share our enthusiasm in the pursuit of this venture.

Warmest regards,

Nombus Bey  
Editor-in-Chief  
 _The First Order Gazette_  
Choleron Space Station, East Outer Rim

* * *

 **The First Order Gazette  
501 Vember Hall, Choleron Space Station**  
 **East Outer Rim**

 **TERMS OF AGREEMENT**

As the appointed representative of _The First Order Gazette_ for the assignment KR-BIO-V1.0, I,  JA 40916, do hereby agree:

i. to write a biographical account of Kylo Ren

ii. to conduct interviews and research information necessary for the completion of above assignment

iii. to withhold mention of above subject's birth name and names of known family members and/or relatives

iv. to withhold mention of any defamatory claims, proven or unproven, against above subject

v. to submit the first draft of the manuscript of said assignment no later than two (2) years after the enforcement of this contract

vi. to receive no more than five per cent (5%) of the net earnings gained from the sales of the publication

vii. to assume full responsibility for any mistakes and/or inconsistencies found in the publication, deliberate or otherwise

viii. that _The First Order Gazette_ will not be held responsible in any way for any loss of life or limb directly or indirectly acquired from the performance of tasks necessary or otherwise to the accomplishment of the above assignment

ix. that failure to comply with this contract will subject me to penalties as prescribed by law

Signed this 16th Day of the 1st Month, 34th Year ABY

 _JA 40916_ ** _  
_**


	2. Part I - First Meetings

**PART ONE - FIRST MEETINGS**

 **OFFICE OF THE GENERAL  
** **STARKILLER BASE  
** **UNKNOWN REGIONS**

 **Day 28, Month 1, Year 34**

 _ **Constantly moving, Starkiller Base was not an easy find. The icy spherical planet was constructed soon after the Empire's Defeat at Endor and served as the First Order's stronghold for approximately thirty years. It was here where Stormtrooper Cadets were sent to train in the ways of battle. It was here where a rumored superweapon of incomparable destructive capacity was being developed. It was also here where I managed to arrange an audience with what many considered the "Iron Fist" of the First Order Triumvirate: General Hux.**_

You're called Scratch. Hm. An indecent name. I will address you properly, JA-40916. So this biography – is this your idea? No? Your superior's then? With all due respect, I don't think even Kylo Ren will be pleased when he hears about this.

I don't know you how you managed to get through Gibbs, though I've heard rumors that the man is accepting bribes. I guess it is about time to appoint a new head of the propaganda department. So what is it you were going to ask me? My opinions of Kylo Ren? What _qualities_ of his I admire the most?

 _ **How you met would be a good start.**_

Hm. Let's see. If I recall correctly, that was around eight or seven years ago, shortly after the Great Victory over the New Jedi Order. The Supreme Leader has informed me that the Dark Enforcer– the very one responsible for exterminating the sapling Jedi Order – will be over for a visit. I made preparations, of course, most of which involved matters related to accommodations. I've ascertained that the base is, at all times, in top-notch condition. We were more than ready for a quality inspection.

Ren arrived with his _knights._ They wore hooded black clothes and crude metal armor. None of them showed their faces. This did not unnerve me, of course. I believe I gave them a proper welcome. I met them at the landing area and prepared to show them around the base. This is, after all, my father's legacy. I assume you're familiar with Brendol Hux?

 _ **Yes. He was the founder of the Commandant's Cadets at Arkanis. You said Starkiller Base is his legacy?**_

Those very cadets my father trained have now become the leaders and pillars of this very institution. These walls, these structures, this technology you see before you are all the products of his genius and unwavering dedication to training a superior generation of soldiers, engineers, and scientists.

My father saw what no one else did. He realized that the greatest individuals needed to be trained rigorously from _birth_. It is this exact theory put into practice that is now propelling the First Order forward.

 _ **From birth? Is it true then? That the Order abducted infants from their families?**_

To train them! To provide them with an opportunity to maximize their skills and talents to serve the Order. It was done to give them a life worth living.

 _ **Let's go back to Ren. What did he think of your father's legacy?**_

He didn't. That is – he never even bothered to spare a glance at the majesty and magnificence around him. Ren and his knights went straight to the Archives to gather information. I learned later on that they were tracking down a certain Jedi. I believe it was his former master.

At that time, we were planning on having test-runs on a prototype of the superweapon. I needed all my technicians to be present at their stations. Ren, however ...

 _(He pauses.)_ He ordered at least a dozen of my best men to help him scour the Archives.

 _ **I take it you didn't get to have your test-run that day.**_

I didn't get to have my test-run that _week._ We were also supposed to travel to a nearby White Dwarf to harvest its remaining energy. Ren, meanwhile, having believed he had a lead on this Jedi of his, took my chief technicians, most of my engineers, and a score of stormtroopers to a wild goose chase at the other end of the galaxy.

 _ **You don't agree with his priorities?**_

Look. Kylo Ren is searching for _one_ person who's apparently been in hiding for so long he could even be dead by now. I am building the very weapon that will help the Order regain territories, property, and power lost to the Republic. Ren is using valuable resources for a concern that could _wait_. I am bent on making timely crucial steps towards securing the entire galaxy for the Order.

 _ **But you're afraid to confront him about this.**_

I have never believed all beings were created equal. Some are born more fortunate than others. Ren was born with a strong connection to the Force, an advantage I was born without. It would be suicidal to do as you suggest, given his capabilities and the fact that he has a brazen, unpredictable nature.

 _(He pauses.)_ You're recording this?

 _ **I am.**_

I'll have the guards confiscate all your electronic devices and you will pretend we've never had this conversation. You will not desist if you know what's good for you. I'm certain you can concoct a tale filled with high praises and pleasantries to satisfy your superior.

 _(He stands up.)_ You may leave, JA-40916. I have more pressing matters to attend to.

* * *

 **FROM THE ACCOUNTS OF ROXIN AVARIS  
** **FORMER STUDENT,  
** **JEDI PRAXEUM, YAVIN-4**

 _Are we recording? Oh. Okay._

 _The first time I met Kylo Ren. (Clears throat)._

 _The first time I met_ Ben _, I was ten years old and struggling to Force-levitate a small rock. It was during the first half of the school year at the Praxeum and just a couple of weeks before our practical exams. So that meant all the older initiates were outside training. I remember the rows of floating rocks in the Temple Courtyard. I remember seeing the rocks drop almost simultaneously to the ground when we saw Master Luke approach with the new kid. Luke called us all over to one corner and said, "I'd like to introduce you all to our new initiate, Ben Solo."_

 _Ben Solo was tall, lanky, kinda pale. He was at least three years older than most of us. He had a large nose and round monkey-like ears that stuck out at both sides of his head. He looked a little awkward. A little shy. Kept his gaze to the ground and only gave us the occasional glance._

 _We thought no more of him until later that afternoon when he Force-lifted a giant boulder and Force-smashed it into smithereens. Everyone rushed to his side jumping and whooping with excitement. Who can blame us? We've never seen anything like it._

 _By the end of the day, Ben was a star. He managed to finish the speederbike obstacle course in one minute flat. Best time recorded before that was five minutes and forty six. I remembered because it was held by Articus Miyen, one of the best initiates in our level. He was a handsome kid. Blonde with green eyes. I had a huge crush on him, and so did most of the other girls._

 _Anyway, where were we? Right. Ben Solo. We weren't the only ones left with our jaws hanging. Turned out the teachers were equally impressed. Master Welin who taught sharpshooting went bonkers when he realized Ben was using the Force to direct the bullets. Welin wasn't Force-sensitive so it took three days for him to notice. The students? Well, let's just say we had a lot of fun._

 _How did Ben react to all of this? He looked pretty uncomfortable whenever he was in the spotlight, but he had that gleam in his eyes. I think he liked it. He liked being highly thought of._

 _I wish I could say things went great for the rest of the year, but I couldn't. Sometime before the summer holidays, Luke decided to take us to Naboo. I think he meant it as a treat, the exams being over and all. Naboo was breath-taking. Rolling greenhills, intricate architecture – it reminded me a little of home._

 _So anyway, there we were having lunch inside this fancy café when Ollie decided to be a pain in the neck. He opened my bag, grabbed my diary, and made a run for it. That diary's where I wrote all those poems about Articus, who happened to be sitting at a table not far from us. It's a really silly thing, looking back, but at that time, I was more concerned with Articus finding out about my feelings for him. So I jumped and chased after Ollie. That was when I ran smack dab into the belly of this giant Bothan. You know, the hairy, bipedal goat-like creatures from Bothawui. They're a decent race. Did things for the Rebels back in the war. This particular fellow, however, didn't look very pleasant at all. He turned around, twitched his ears, flared his nostrils, and knocked me over._

 _I was afraid he was going to kick me in the ribs or something, so I doubled over and tried to use Force-Persuade. I think I succeeded because I didn't get hit. Just then, I heard it - a bloodcurdling howl. I looked up. Realized it was coming from the Bothan. He was grasping his head. Blood was dripping from his nose._

 _I scrambled up and tried to run back to our table. I was scared, you know. I thought I managed to screw up Force-Persuade and did something else entirely._

 _I heard more screams. Saw more blood. Then someone yelled, "Ben! Stop it! You're hurting him!"_

 _It was Articus. He was shaking Ben's shoulder. Ben, though…_

 _He was glaring at the Bothan with such intensity. Such anger._

 _(Pause)_

 _The Bothan survived._

 _But things were no longer the same after that._


	3. Part II - Weakness

**PART TWO – WEAKNESS**

 **SONN-BLASS CORPORATION MAIN OFFICE  
** **GIBRALTOR SYSTEM  
** **WEST OUTER RIM**

 **Day 15, Month 2, Year 34**

 _ **Since its conception, Sonn-Blass Corporation has remained the main, if not sole, supplier of the First Order's weaponry. Its main office is a tall, narrow chrome tower which stood at the center of an urban-industrial city. Ensuring that her soldiers were outfitted with nothing but the best set of arms was a responsibility Captain Phasma took upon herself. Right after her meeting with the Sonn-Blass CEO, she proceeded to the Corporate Cantina where our interview was to take place.**_

You must be JA-40916. You have fifteen minutes. My troops and I are due in the Corosi Sector to deal with another insurgency.

 _ **Fine. Let's cut to the chase. How and when did you meet Kylo Ren?**_

It was about fifty months ago. I was a low ranking trooper then, just as I'd been for years. It was hard to get promoted, considering how rampant politics was within the Order during its early years. The ones with connections and resources bribed and threatened their way to the top. Now, I can't say for certain that these ignoble practices have been completely abolished. Nonetheless, I'm sure there are steps being taken to address them.

I was stationed at an outpost in Jaminere. It so happened that during my stay, there was growing tension between the First Order and the Manufacturer's Guild. The latter previously dominated the planet's economic governance and they claimed our new policies were interfering with their trade practices.

Our troop leader was Lieutenant Galvo, a man whose nature was far from impartial. He made under the table arrangements with certain factions, giving them much more financial freedom than their competitors. This merely escalated the conflict and placed us in a dangerous predicament.

It was during this time when Kylo Ren and his knights arrived at Jaminere to restock their supplies for an expedition. He was, I was told, looking for a particular Jedi. I was assigned to oversee preparations for their arrival, meet them at the docking station, and escort them to Galvo's tent.

That was the first time I met him.

 _ **How was he like?**_

He and his companions hid behind masks, but they exuded an aura of unquestionable superiority and power. They commanded respect. Everybody knew better than to get in their way.

Once they got hold of their supplies, they came to speak with Galvo. I couldn't hear exactly what was being said from inside the tent, but voices were raised as if there was an argument going on. I was not mistaken. A second later, I heard the signature buzz of lightsabers. Then I heard Galvo crying out pitifully.

 _ **Did you find out what happened?**_

Yes. I did. The tent flap opened and the knight leader – Kylo Ren – beckoned me to enter. He gestured towards Galvo, who was on his knees. Galvo's face was contorted and he was sobbing silently.

"Your lieutenant is guilty of bribery and falsification of documents. What would you have us do?" Ren asked me.

I didn't reply at once. I feared it was a test and my life depended on my answer.

 _ **What was your answer?**_

I thought it over and said, "Kill him, sir. He is weak."

That was what the Order is all about: upholding the strong and eliminating the weak. Strong leaders shouldn't fall prey to worldly temptations. They should put the will of the Supreme Leader before their own.

 _ **How did Ren react?**_

He nodded and gestured at the blaster rifle which I held in my arms. I raised it, aimed it at Galvo's head, and fired. Kylo Ren appointed me lieutenant soon after. He told me he saw potential in me. That was what I admired most about him. He saw potential, not threats. He encouraged strength and obliterated weakness.

* * *

 **FROM THE ACCOUNTS OF ROXIN AVARIS  
** **FORMER STUDENT,  
** **JEDI PRAXEUM, YAVIN-4**

 _I think I should give you a little background on Mort, Ollie, and me before I continue. Mort is the son of extremely wealthy bankers. The Shon family owned shares in several interplanetary corporations and made large donations to the Jedi Praxeum every year. Ollie, on the other hand, is an orphan. He was a farmhand on Dantooine before Luke rescued him from his abusive master. My parents did work for the Rebel Alliance. They were thrilled with the whole Jedi thing and enrolled me at the Praxeum the first chance they got._

 _Mort, Ollie, and I had only one thing in common: we weren't exactly Jedi material. We were Force-sensitive, that's true, but we weren't as gifted as the rest of our classmates. We were usually the last ones to finish a practical exam. The last ones to master a new skill. The last ones to get picked in dodgeball. I guess that's what drove us together: our weaknesses. Our constant ridiculous failures._

 _Now that's over with, let's go back to where we last left off._

 _The first day after the summer holidays, the three of us decided to catch up over breakfast at the outcast spot. That's the table nearest the trash bins where no one ever sat. Except us._

 _Anyway, Ollie and I were drooling with jealousy over Mort's holiday in Coruscant when we heard the sound of several chairs being pushed back. Mort stopped talking immediately and turned his attention to the table at the opposite end of the canteen. We followed his gaze and watched as a group of students filed out, leaving behind a miserable looking Ben Solo and trays of half-eaten food. I was certain they were avoiding him because of what he did at Naboo. Acting out of passion and inflicting harm on another was looked down upon at the Praxeum. It showed lack of control and discipline._

 _Actually, I don't know why I did what I did next. One moment, I was munching on an apple strudel. The next moment, I found myself getting up and walking over to where Ben Solo sat. Maybe I felt as though I was somehow responsible for his being ostracized. Maybe I didn't agree with how my classmates chose to treat him. Maybe. I don't know._

 _But there I was. I asked Ben if we could join him, although I had already placed my tray in front of his and pulled out a chair. He stammered out a yes and began paying more attention to his bowl of cereal._

 _Ollie arrived soon after and thanked Ben for saving my life._

 _"Though t_ _orturing the Bothan was unnecessary," I added._

 _Ben looked up from his cereal. It was hard to forget the indignant look in his eyes. "Unnecessary?" he asked. "But he was about to kick you in the ribs. I felt it. He was going to hurt you. I had to do something."_

 _An awkward silence ensued and Ollie started to fidget in his seat. Fortunately, Mort joined us and decided to be the more mature and diplomatic one. He held out a hand and made proper introductions. "My name's Mortimer Shon but you could call me Mort for short."_

 _Ollie followed suit and introduced himself as "Ollis Carufo, best card player in the galaxy and handsomest man alive."_

 _I told him my name's Roxin Avaris and that he could hang out with us from then on, that is, if he wanted to. I guess he was okay with the arrangements because from that day on, the four of us were inseparable._


	4. Reports

_**THE FIRST ORDER GAZETTE**_

ISSUE 52 – ARTICLE 1  
14TH DAY OF THE 3RD MONTH IN THE 34th YEAR

 _ **NEW REPUBLIC SENATE DESTROYED!**_

Superweapon Starkiller Base successfully destroyed Hosnian Prime, headquarters of the New Republic Senate, last Primeday. The attack, led by General Hux, was also responsible for the complete eradication of several planets in the Hosnian system and the entire enemy fleet.

In an inspiring speech made earlier that day, Hux claimed that the attack marked the end of the Republic's chaotic regime. According to the General, all remaining systems will eventually bow to the First Order soon after.

Unfortunately, a group of Resistance Fighters have managed to infiltrate and launch an attack on Starkiller Base, destroying the mobile planet in the process. The perpetrators are now being pursued by the First Order authorities and will be made to pay for their heinous crimes.

* * *

 **RESISTANCE SECURITY DEPARTMENT – ACTIVITY LOG  
** **D'QAR HEADQUARTERS**

 **DATE: 3/17/34  
** **TIME: 14:00**

 **SUMMARY:**

Prisoner, identified as JA-40916, captured and brought in after an unauthorized landing of a T1 Shuttle at the Southwest Landing Area. Vehicle registration records revealed affiliation with the First Order. Upon capture, prisoner showed no signs of defiant behavior and has repeatedly requested to speak with General Leia Organa.

 **STATUS:** Prisoner is currently being detained in Cell 30-H. Awaiting further orders.


	5. Part III - Fury

**PART THREE – FURY**

 **CELL 30-H  
RESISTANCE BASE  
** **D'QAR, OUTER RIM**

 **Day 18, Month 3, Year 34**

 _ **The lush planet of D'Qar was formerly a small Alliance outpost before it was turned into the headquarters of the Resistance. Soon after the destruction of Starkiller, rumors surfaced that the Resistance has immediately transferred to yet another undisclosed location. However, various satellite feeds revealed the presence of humanoid life forms amongst bunkers and fighter planes on the planet. They were still there.**_

 _ **This was where I found General Leia Organa. Or rather, this was where she found me.**_

I – I can't believe it's you. After all these years, we thought you were –

 _ **Dead?**_

We thought you were killed at the Praxeum. Why didn't you tell us you were alive? No. This isn't your fault. Your parents. We lost contact with them after what happened. But why are you here? They said the T-1 shuttle you flew in was affiliated with the Order. Tell me. Was it stolen or are you really working for them?

 _ **I just want to talk to you. About Ben.**_

 _(She sits down on a stool in front of me.)_

You mean why he crossed over to the dark side? Why he killed his father? I ask myself those questions every night and I'm afraid I don't have an answer for you.

 _ **Where were you when you found out what happened at the Praxeum?**_

I was in the Pressylla System on another reconnaissance mission. One of my scouts reported having seen suspicious activity in a mining facility. I suspected the First Order.

The Order wasn't as blatant back then as they are now. At that time, they were merely seen as a dismissible threat - just a speck in the ever growing list of concerns that plagued the New Republic. I brought this up to the Senate, but my peers ignored my warnings. That didn't stop me from taking precautions.

 _ **That's why you've founded the Resistance.**_

Yes. Going back, I had a few of my men with me. We were interviewing the locals at the miner's lodge when a sense of dread overcame me. My pulse began to race and I was afraid my heart was going to burst from my chest. I felt a myriad of emotions coming at me all at once. There was anger and pain. Anguish. I wanted to scream but I didn't seem to have the strength to do so.

Before I had time to fathom the origins of the strange sensations and what could've possibly happened, my utility droid, an R3 Unit, started beeping hysterically. It went on and on about an urgent message. I immediately told R3 to play the message. It confirmed my greatest fears.

 _ **What was in the message?**_

It was Han, though it didn't sound like him. The perpetual composure in his tone was gone. His voice was shaking.

"Leia," he said. "Come to Yavin 4 at once. Ben killed the initiates. All of them."

I didn't want to believe it at first. I wanted it all to be just a horrible dream. But it wasn't.

I flew to Yavin 4 as fast as I could. I don't know how I did it – how I got there. It felt as though my entire world had stopped and shattered. It was as though I was no longer existing. It was painful to move. I couldn't function. Couldn't breathe. I felt so broken. I knew it was coming and I did what I could to stop it. But it hurt to think that all my efforts weren't enough. That _I_ wasn't enough.

 _ **You**_ **knew** _ **this was going to happen?**_

From birth, my son has always shown this intense connection to the Force. I wasn't trained like my brother, but even I was able to sense the strength in Ben. The potential. He was brimming with it.

It only became more evident as he grew older. When he was six, he built his first speederbike from scratch. He was nine when he singlehandedly piloted the _Falcon._ Han claimed that he showed Ben how to operate the ship only once. It was unbelievable.

Ben learned to manipulate the Force when he was around seven or eight. I remember coming home to find my documents and papers flying all over the place and organizing themselves into neat little piles. Ben told me he was only trying to help.

See, that's the thing about Ben. He was so attuned to how you were feeling and was always so eager to help. He had this incredible sense of perception. He seemed to know what you were going to say and how you felt deep inside despite your efforts to pretend otherwise.

But he was also very determined to a fault.

 _ **He was stubborn.**_

Yes, we could say that. _(She returns my smile)._

When Ben wanted something, he would go to great lengths to get it. I remember when he was around eight. Han and I came home and Ben was nowhere to be found. We turned the house upside down and deployed droids to search the neighborhood. We even contacted Luke and Ackbar for help. We were this close to alerting the entire Republic when the local librarian called and said that Ben was at the downtown archives, researching Podracers.

He also had quite a temper. I'm sure you're aware of Ben's difficulty when it came to expressing himself vocally. He wouldn't come up to you and say what he wanted. You'd just find your furniture spontaneously combusting when he's angry. Or all the doors and windows in the house repeatedly opening and shutting whenever he was anxious.

I became aware that such power and instability would undoubtedly attract _others_. I'm not sure when exactly Snoke came into his life, but the Sith has always been watching him from the shadows. Maybe I didn't realize it in time. Maybe my son already had one foot in the dark side before I put in effort to protect him. Maybe I was too late.

 _ **What did you do to protect him?**_

Believe me. I tried so hard to keep him from hurt and pain. When he was furious, I rushed to his side. I tried to placate him. Tried to quell the outbursts. It wasn't always easy.

In the end, I brought him to Luke, believing my brother could somehow completely sway my child from the dark side.

 _ **What about Han? Was he aware of all this?**_

 _(Leia becomes tense at the mention of her late husband. She looks away as tears begin to well at the corners of her eyes.)_

 _ **I'm sorry. We don't have to discuss this –**_

No. No, I didn't involve Han. He was a good person, but he wasn't exactly the most understanding and compassionate man in the galaxy. Things between him and Ben were already complicated to begin with. They had differences. Han was unhappy with Ben's introverted personality. He wished Ben was more outgoing. He wished Ben would play more with the other kids. Han and I fought every time this was brought up, but not once did I tell him about Snoke. I didn't want to make things more difficult for him and Ben. I didn't want to strain their relationship any further.

I told myself that I could do this alone. That I _had_ to do this alone.

 _ **Do you think there's still hope? That Ben will come back?**_

I did. But after he killed his father…

 _(At this point, Leia breaks down and cries. I let her. After a while, she finally looks up and meets my eyes.)_

Yes, Roxin. I'm still hoping. I want my son back.

* * *

 **FROM THE ACCOUNTS OF ROXIN AVARIS  
** **FORMER STUDENT,  
** **JEDI PRAXEUM, YAVIN-4**

 _I learned about the issues Ben had with his parents when I was twelve. It was right after the first term of our second year at the Praxeum when Ben asked us if we'd like to spend the semester break at his house in Corellia. We were ecstatic. Mort claimed the responsibility of providing us the best transportation while Ollie came up with a list of things we could do, most of which came in the form of random outbursts like, "Oh! We could watch a game at the stadium!" or "We could go and Force-lift some boulders at the beach and impress the ladies." I was left with making sure everyone packed the right amount of credits and underwear and stuff like that._

 _We landed in Coronet City's spaceport in a sleek silver jet Mort borrowed from his parents. Having never been to larger cities before, Ollie and I were instantly captivated by the gigantic towers of stone and metal that surrounded us at all sides. Before heading to the Solos' home in the suburbs, we decided to explore the city a bit. We caught a Limmie game at the Grand Arena. You know, Limmie? That sport where teams have to kick a ball around and shoot them into goal posts to score points? The boys had a grand time Force-manipulating the ball_ and _the players. Ben was particularly good at it. Afterwards, we went to have some frozen yogurt and sat down on a bench somewhere. Sometimes, you know, I want to go back to that moment. Back to when we were laughing about the silliest things like how bad Ollie's socks smelled and how loud Mort burps and how crazy I was about Articus Miyen (I denied it). I want to go back to that time when were grinning like crazy fools, wiping yogurt off our faces, and just simply having a great time._

 _It was late afternoon when we finally made our way to the Solo Residence. Late afternoon. I think Corellia has one of the most beautiful sunsets out there. The sky turns from pale green to orange to a deep purple and then to black. You've got to go there and see it. It was magnificent. I think I was staring at the sky all throughout the ride home._

 _The Solos lived in a quiet neighborhood far from the city in one of the white rectangular houses with blue glass windows. As soon as we crossed the neatly trimmed lawn and arrived at the doorstep, we were greeted by the unmistakable sound of people shouting. I couldn't hear everything but I could make out some words like "gambling problem" and "career over family". Suddenly, the door swung open and out stormed an older man wearing a black vest and matching black pants. There was fury written all over his face. He merely gave us a glance before marching on towards a parked speederbike. We didn't get to see Han Solo again that week._

 _Ben's mom noticed us and summoned some droids to help us bring in the luggage. There was this one particular protocol droid – gold and talked too much – who almost dropped my bag down the stairs. I later learned that C3PO played a vital role in the war, but that didn't make me like him any better._

 _Anyway, Mrs. Solo was in a strangely good mood that evening. You'd expect someone who'd just been in a fight to be a bit upset. If the lady felt any disappointment or anger, there were no signs of it now. After we've had a nice little chit chat over dinner, Mrs. Solo apologized and said she had to be somewhere else and if we could please tell C3PO if there were any problems so the droid can contact her. Then she was gone._

 _Ben hadn't said a word since we entered the house. It was when we finally went up to his room when he exploded._

" _I hate them!" he screamed. We all stood back and watched him thrash the place. He threw pillows against the walls and ripped the bed sheet off the mattress. He knocked over a chair, sent his alarm clock sailing through the window, and broke a couple of glass lamps._

 _He went on and on, saying things like, "Mom's always away doing errands for the Republic while my good for nothing father wastes away all our credits drinking and gambling at the cantina. When they_ do _come home, they fight. When I show up, Mom pretends nothing's wrong and my father pretends I don't exist. They tell me to be patient. To be forgiving. But they turn around and do the exact opposite. Fucking hypocrites!"_

 _Mort told him to just ignore everything just as he does whenever he sees his own father with another woman. Ollie made a joke about not being able to relate, being an orphan and all. But things didn't get any better. Ben just kept hitting and throwing and breaking things. Suddenly, Ben's bed sheets spontaneously caught on fire. It was followed by flashing white lights, a deafening buzz, and water streaming from overhead sprinklers. Somewhere downstairs, C3PO was making a ruckus. Mort rushed to get the extinguisher while Ollie pried open the fire lever in the hallway and tried to deactivate the alarm._

 _Me? Well, I did the most sensible thing I could think of. I went up to Ben and tried to place my hands on his shoulders to calm him down. But he was tall and I was not and it was uncomfortable so I held both his hands instead._

 _I guess…_

 _(Pause)_

 _I guess that caught his attention because the fire suddenly vanished as quickly as it began. As if put out by an invisible breath._

 _I looked him in the eyes. It wasn't easy. He has this – this_ gaze _._

 _I told him. "Ben, I know you're upset but this is your room you're destroying and there's an entire forest out there we could burn down instead."_

 _I have no idea why I said that but I'm glad I did because it put a smile on his face. The four of us sneaked out of the house and ran deep into the nearby woods, stumbling on branches, shrieking, and laughing like wild animals. When we got to a clearing, we screamed our lungs out, and the boys lashed at the trees._

 _By daybreak, half the forest was burned down._

* * *

Author's Note: To be honest, this chapter was emotionally exhausting to write. Or maybe I'm just a big softie. Please let me know what you think of the story so far and leave a review below. Cheers!


	6. Part IV - Gone

**PART FOUR - GONE**

 **THE KNIGHTS OF REN  
** **OBSIDIANITE CASTLE  
** **ZIOST, ESSTRAN SECTOR, OUTER RIM**

 **Day 16, Month 4, Year 34**

 _ **The planet of Ziost, once the capital of the ancient Sith Empire, now lies forgotten at the edge of the galaxy. Yet somewhere in the middle of its frozen tundra, nestled amongst a graveyard of trees, is a large castle with walls of opaque black glass. This is the appropriately chosen headquarters of the Knights of Ren.**_

 _ **Upon my arrival, I was greeted by two figures clad in dark canvas cloaks. Hoods covered their heads and masks of gunmetal gray concealed their faces. It was within the privacy of the castle's library where the two knights finally revealed themselves.**_

 _ **Knight Commander Mortis is a short yet brawny man with olive skin, black cropped hair, and almond eyes. Next to him is Commander Corto who stood a foot taller. He is leaner than Mortis and has a head crowned with bronze curls. They are both grinning.**_

It is Mort who speaks first, "Roxin Avaris. Back from the dead."

"And looking good," Corto adds, leaning forward. "Tell me, Roxi. Are you available?"

"Cut it out, Carufo. You're going to find yourself sliced into pieces if you do so much as lay a hand on her and _he_ finds out," Mort then turns to me. "So Roxin, I know you came here to ask questions for this _biography_ but I hope you don't mind if you do the answering first. _Where the hell were you?_ You're sure as hell weren't at the Praxeum when we stormed it."

 _ **Tauntaun Pox. I meant to return as soon as I recovered but my parents found out about the massacre you crazy shitheads did. Mom and Dad wiped out my memory. I woke up one day not being able to remember the last three years of my life. I cannot tell you how freaky that felt. Anyway, I let my parents enroll me at a university. Made them think everything was all fine and dandy while I researched memory swipes behind their back.**_

 _ **I learned that the swipe they did had a loophole and that my memories could be retrieved if I could only find the original machine that performed the procedure. Took me long enough to find it. Thirteen years. Thirteen**_ **long** _ **years and a lot have changed.**_

 _ **I see you call yourselves Mortis and Corto now?**_

Mort shrugs and smiles, "I'm flexible. You can still call me Mort."

"It took him five seconds to come up with that, can you believe it? Ren and I spent hours. See, Ren's name is inspired by his heritage. He took the 'ky' from Skywalker and the 'lo' from Solo and came up with the coolest moniker in the universe. But what about me? I already have an ugly name to begin with. Ollis Carufo. What do you get from that? Orufo?" Corto makes a face.

 _ **Sounds like a dog barfing. So when did you think these names up? When did you start planning what you did at the Praxeum? When did it all start?**_

Corto turns away, _"_ When you were too busy with Miyen to notice."

"Shut up, Carufo. It began way before that. Ren told me he's been hearing this voice in his head since he was child. At first he thought it was his grandfather, speaking to him. Ren has this unhealthy fascination with Vader, you know. The voice turned out to be Snoke. Ren told us about it during the second half of our third year. I guess he trusted us enough by then. You probably didn't learn about it because you were at Sullust with Miyen for four months."

 _ **That was because Luke sent us on a diplomatic mission.**_

Corto looks me square in the eyes. "Ren was really pissed off, you know, when he found out. He went on another rampage. We no longer had you to calm him down so he ended up destroying more than just a forest."

"Now, don't go blaming yourself, Rox," Mort jumps in. "A lot of things happened at that time. His parents' marriage took a turn for the worse. There was tension between him and Luke, between him and Solo, between us and our classmates. Then, like I said, there was _Snoke_."

Mort lets the word hang in the air for a while before continuing. "Ren told us about a very powerful warrior who could teach us more about the Force than Luke ever could. He told us that the Jedi were weak. That they are bound by constraints disguised as discipline and control."

"He was right you know," says Corto. "Snoke turned out to be the father we've never had. He saw something in us. Told us that we were capable of being more and that the Jedi were preventing us from reaching our true potential. It was liberating. All along I thought I was useless and would never measure up to anything."

 _ **He also told you to kill everyone at the Praxeum.**_

"It was necessary. We cannot allow the Jedi to continue spreading their lies," Corto explains.

"Besides," Mort continues. "As Ren put it, everyone in the order is a hypocrite. They taught peace and serenity when their actions _and_ inactions brought about chaos. You saw how they treated the four of us. We were left out of everything as if we were scum. They all deserved to die."

 _ **Tell me about the massacre.**_

"First, we had to make the lightsabers," Mort begins matter-of-factly. "As you're aware, we don't get to do that at the Praxeum until our fourth year because we're told that only by then will we be completely ready. Total bullshit. Ren managed to get hold of blueprints and I provided the materials. Did it all under my parents' nose, stupid fools."

"Anyway," adds Corto, "the sabers Mort and I constructed sucked big time. Mine had a problem with the power field conductor and Mort's blade was too short because he didn't configure the length adjustor correctly. But you should've seen Ren's…"

Mort grins, _"_ He used a cracked Kyber crystal that was so powerful it required the addition of lateral vents at the hilt just to divert all that extra energy. The crystal was also wildly unstable, giving the plasma blade its jagged appearance."

"In short," Corto leans back and folds his arms across his chest. "It was the bomb."

"We spent most of the summer break preparing," Mort continues. "Ren travelled to some distant planet to get his crystal and undergo this test Snoke prepared for him. When he came back, he was fuming with power and was more focused on what we needed to do. There was no holding back."

Corto nods. "It was the first day of classes and a tropical rainstorm just happened to hit the Praxeum. Perfect timing, if you ask me. It was like the universe was on our side."

"We came in wearing these dark cloaks and steel masks Carufo and I spent days making. Then we activated our lightsabers and killed everyone who got in the way."

 _ **Just like that?**_

Mort snaps his fingers. "Just like that. But we were kind, weren't we, Carufo?" He nudges his friend with an elbow. "We tried to give all who resisted a quick death. Articus Miyen though…"

Corto shakes his head."Ren bound him, got into his mind, and tortured the hell out of him. I could still hear the blonde fool screaming and begging for mercy. When Ren had enough mind-probing, he took out his lightsaber and beheaded Miyen slowly."

"This time, Roxin, you can take the blame," Mort laughs.

"Contrary to popular belief, we didn't kill _everyone_ ," Corto says. "There were those who surrendered and professed loyalty to Ren. He mind-probed them first. Those who gave in because of cowardice were killed. The rest are downstairs." He jerks his thumb towards the door.

Mort's expression hardens. "Why don't you join us, Roxin?"

"We can call you Knight Commander Roxoid," Corto gives a sly smile.

"We'll contact Ren and he'll be over in a second to knight you. But wait," Mort narrows his brows. "Does he even know you're here?"

 _ **No. He doesn't know I'm alive.**_

A look of disbelief crosses Mort's face. "Why didn't you tell him? Come to think of it, why didn't you reach out to us the moment you got your memory back?"

 _ **Maybe because I didn't know**_ **how.** _ **It's been what – thirteen years? I didn't know how much you've all changed – especially**_ **Ren.** _ **I didn't know how to approach him or if I could approach him at all. I needed some kind of preparation.**_

"That's why you're doing this then?" Mort asks. "This _biography_?"

 _ **Yeah. I guess that's it**_ **.** _ **I had a lot of questions and I wanted answers.**_

"You know what? Just show up. I don't think there's anything to fear," Corto assures me. "It's not like he's going to kill you. _You_ of all people. You know that, right?"

* * *

 **FROM THE ACCOUNTS OF ROXIN AVARIS  
** **FORMER STUDENT,  
** **JEDI PRAXEUM, YAVIN-4**

 _I remember the last time I was at the Praxeum._

 _I was thirteen and summer was just around the corner. It was past midnight when the ship that transported us from Sullust touched down at the Yavin Spaceport. From the window, we could see the small group of students from the academy who have come to meet us. I immediately spotted Ollie, his golden curls contrasting with the dark green foliage of the Yavin jungle. I was lethargic and feverish from the trip. The climate at Sullust topped normal body temperature and I just realized that readjusting to the damp, cold weather of Yavin would take a further toll on me. Despite this, I found myself rushing down the boarding ramp, luggage in tow, to the small area where I saw Ollie._

 _Mort was also there. His eyes were half-shut and he appeared to have just woken up._

 _Ben Solo was nowhere to be found. "This isn't everyone." I said after looking around, expecting Ben to pop out of nowhere just as he had done so many times in the past._

 _When they told me that he was still at the Praxeum, I grabbed Mort's wrist and tried to drag him along, saying, "Let's go! Let's go! I have so many things to tell all of you!" But the both of them just stood there and stared at me._

 _Finally, Mort told me that Ben didn't want to speak with me at the moment._

 _I was hysterical. "Why?" I asked them. "When he accompanied Luke to Hoth, I didn't go around complaining. This is my first out-of-planet mission and I thought you guys would at least be a little excited for me."_

" _It's not that," Mort cut me off. He and Ollie were fidgeting. "This is about Articus Miyen."_

 _Articus Miyen had been chosen to go along because he understood Sullustese better than most of us. Besides, the mission was diplomatic in nature which meant there was a lot of talking, something Ben abhorred. I told my friends that I didn't understand why Ben would make such a big deal about Articus being chosen over him. It wasn't like this has always been the case. I could think of ten missions at the top of my head where Luke preferred to bring Ben along instead of Articus. It was no question who was the better student._

 _That was when Mort lost his cool, which was rare. His eyeballs widened and looked ready to pop out of their sockets. "This isn't about the fucking mission or who the better student is," he practically yelled. "This is about Miyen getting to spend four months with_ you."

" _But what does that have to do with anything?" I asked, because honestly, I had no idea what the hell Mort was talking about._

" _It's got to do with everything," he said it slowly, condescendingly, emphasizing every word. "Why do you think he saved you from that Bothan in Naboo? Why do you think a guy like him agreed to hang out with losers like us? Why do you think he instantly calms down when you touch him? Why do you think he's insanely jealous of Miyen? Why do you think he once asked Ollie and me if he has any chance with you?"_

" _Because he's crazy, Roxin," Ollie said, shaking his head. "For you."_

 _By the time we arrived at the Praxeum, we were told that Ben had already flown back to Corellia._

 _I was too late._

 _He was gone._


	7. Wanted

**ON BOARD _THE_ ****_FINALIZER  
_ RESURGENT CLASS STAR DESTROYER**

 **Day 18, Month 4, Year 34**

There were exactly two instances when the _Finalizer_ changed direction that day. The first time was when a call came in from Ziost.

Pol Wingins, the vessel's chief communications engineer, abruptly stood up as soon as the Dark Enforcer entered the former's office. He observed that Kylo Ren still walked with a slight limp. There was talk that the culprit was a crossbow arrow, but Wingins was quick to reprove that idea. Such weapons, he reasoned, could be easily deflected by the Force User. It had to be something else.

The Communications Room, a small annex that branched out from the ship's Main Command Center, featured multiple plasma screens, a wide horizontal panel filled with blinking lights and switches, a custom-built holograph projector, and the standard supply of comlinks. It barely had enough space for more than two people. Taking his cue, Wingins left the office and positioned himself outside, near the doorway. Kylo Ren, fortunately, did not bother to close the door. Whether this was unintentional or not, Wingins didn't care. His ears pricked as he listened in.

Static came on as Ren activated the projector.

Wingins wondered who the other party was. _If the call came in from Ziost,_ he contemplated _, then it's very likely that Kylo Ren is about to address his legendary Knights._ Wingins felt a jolt of excitement as he strained to catch what the conversation was about.

"Speak," the Dark Lord commanded.

Immediately, a chorus of frantic, garbled male voices filled the room.

"...thought she was staying."

"…gone the next day."

"…no directives."

" _Fools!"_ Ren's voice rang sharp and clear.

The voices quieted down until only the buzzing of the holograph could be heard.

"I've placed you in your positions with hopes that you will exercise discernment and make decisions _even_ without directives," Ren continued, frustration apparent in his speech. "Did you at least place a tracking device in her shuttle?"

This was met with silence, then a mumbled "No."

"Prepare the landing area," Ren said hastily. "I will deal with you as soon as I arrive."

The Star Destroyer was originally bound for the mid-rim planet Mytaranor where Hux and Ren were scheduled to have a meeting with the Slaver Federation. However, Wingins learned that Kylo Ren personally went to the Navigations Department and Forced the pilots to change course, causing the ship to make a complete U-turn and head towards Obsidianite Castle instead.

It was only a matter of minutes before Hux came marching into the ship's bridge, his face contorted in anger. "Why are we going to Ziost?" he demanded.

The featureless black and gray mask slowly turned to face the General. "I have to speak with my subordinates," Ren said callously before starting towards the door.

Wingins and the crew watched, with both admiration and fear, as the General hurriedly stepped in front of Ren to block his way. "What about the meeting? The Mytaranor Slaver Federation is an indispensable, powerful ally. Do you not know this or are you once again so caught up in your little flights of fancy that you fail – "

Hux never got to finish. In an instant, he was clutching at his neck as if wrenching off an invisible hand. Beads of sweat began to form around his temples and his complexion started to turn into a disturbing shade of reddish purple.

"You will remember not to speak to me in that manner again," Ren said as he finally released the General from the Force-choke. "I will not be so lenient next time."

Hux dropped to the ground coughing and panting, one hand still holding his neck.

As soon as the visit to Ziost was over, the _Finalizer_ returned to its original course to Mytaranor. Things appeared to be going smoothly until the second call came. This time, it was from Choleron Space Station.

The caller identified himself as Nombus Bey, editor-in-chief of the _First Order Gazette_. The hologram showed a humanoid creature with large black eyes and a pair of fleshy flaps on each of his cheeks. A Sullustan. Wingins was not fond of the species and he reckoned it had something to do with their odd, gurgling language.

"This is to report that we've recovered documents containing libelous material in the datapad of my associate – a certain JA-40916," the Sullustan said in heavily accented Basic. "I believe this is related to my missing T1 Shuttle, which, coincidentally, was last used by the same associate."

Ren came in a minute after he was called to review the message. This time, he did not even bother to go to the Navigations Department. He turned on the intercom and announced, "This is Kylo Ren. Change our destination coordinates to that of Choleron Space Station. I expect to be there in at most thirty minutes."

General Hux did not interfere this time. He simply got into a smaller transport shuttle and made for Mytaranor by himself.

Exactly an hour later, as soon as the _Finalizer_ took off from Choleron, Kylo Ren returned to the Communications Room. In his hand was a datapad. Wingins watched as the Enforcer placed the device on the docking port, uploaded its contents to the main database, and selected a certain file.

The monitor instantly blinked with life and displayed what appeared to be a resume of an attractive young woman with brown hair and grey eyes. The name "JA-40916" was printed below her photograph.

Ren pointed his finger at the screen. "Alert the entire galaxy. Find her and bring her to me."

* * *

 **ROXIN AVARIS  
** **WANTED BY THE JUDICIAL AUTHORITIES OF THE FIRST ORDER FOR PROSECUTION**

 **Name:** Roxin Avaris  
 **Aliases:** JA-40916, Scratch  
 **Homeworld** : Chandrila

 **Sex:** Female  
 **Age:** 27

 **Species** : Human

 **Color of hair:** light brown  
 **Color of eyes:** grey

 **Height** : 1.65 cm  
 **Weight** : 53 kg

 **Weapon:** none  
 **Vehicle** : T-1 Shuttle, grey and red, stolen, registered to Nombus Bey

 **Charges** : Avaris, a journalist formerly affiliated with _The First Order Gazette,_ has been convicted of treason and libel for writing and attempting to promulgate defamatory and unfound claims regarding the nature, identity, and history of Kylo Ren.

A reward of 300,000 Galactic Credits has been offered for her capture. If found, Avaris is to be brought to higher authorities ALIVE and UNHARMED.

If with any information concerning this individual, please contact your local First Order Outpost or Stormtrooper Garrison.

* * *

Author's Note: I made small changes regarding vessel names. Kylo Ren's Command Shuttle was changed to the _Finalizer_ , which turned out to be the bigger ship I was trying to describe. I apologize for the mistake. Thank you to those who have read up to this point. Please let me know what you think and leave a review.


	8. Part V - Still

**PART FIVE – STILL**

 **ON BOARD THE** _ **FINALIZER  
**_ **RESURGENT CLASS STAR DESTROYER**

 **Day 20, Month 4, Year 34**

When she opened her eyes, she found herself in the dark. Blood pounded in her ears and her mind struggled to reconnect with reality. She lay on the floor; the smooth metal tiles felt like ice against her skin. Roxin propped herself up on one arm, battling the wave of nausea that came with the sudden change of position.

Where is she? How long has she been here? When her vision became accustomed to the darkness, she discovered that she was alone in a large, empty room. The walls, the floor, and the ceiling were one entity – cold, colorless chrome. A cage, she realized. She was being held captive. Again. How long has it been since she was brought to the prison cell in D'Qar? The interview with General Organa felt like ages ago.

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps – of rubber against metal – shattered the silence. Roxin braced herself as words in bold blank ink flashed briefly in her mind.

"Treason."

"Libel."

"Prosecution."

They want her dead.

But she saw it coming, didn't she? The moment she signed the agreement at Nombus Bey's dingy office, she knew that she would breach it in her persistent search for the truth. The moment she embarked on her first trip to Starkiller Base to speak with Hux, she knew that death was not far behind. Snoke would see her as the flaw in his otherwise impenetrable weapon. He would want her dead, if not immediately, then at a time when her passing would benefit the Order. He'd use her just as he is using her friends; to him, they were pawns whose humanities were insignificant.

And yet she went on with it all just because she wanted to know what really happened. Just because she wanted to see _him_ again.

There was a deafening hiss as the door of the holding cell slid open. The light from the hallway seeped in and Roxin had to raise her arm to shield her eyes from the painful brightness. A figure emerged – stiff, helmeted, and clad in white plastoid armor from head to toe. In his arms was a black blaster rifle.

"Follow me," the Stormtrooper said. "He is waiting for you."

* * *

Kylo Ren paced the floor in his cabin. His eyes were not on the wide window that revealed the unparalleled beauty of intertwined constellations against a backdrop of black. His eyes were on the ground and his thoughts were elsewhere.

What should he say? What would _she_ say? He felt his pulse quicken in response to the rapid bombardment of questions suffered by his mind. He couldn't wait to see her again but at the same time, he dreaded the moment for what it would bring. Truths. Revelations. Perhaps even rejection.

What if she is presently involved with someone else again? Miyen being out of the picture didn't guarantee anything. And Mortis and Corto had been very vague. All they told him was that she wanted preparation and was looking for answers. They didn't say anything about how she thought of him. How she felt about him. They didn't ask, the stupid fools.

No. No. It wasn't their place to know. It was his. Solely his.

The muffled swish of the antechamber door opening made him jump. _They're here._ He nervously glanced at the double doors and resolved to stand as far away from it as possible. He turned away so that his back faced the entrance; he did not want to appear overly eager. After adjusting his mask, Ren clasped his hands behind his back and stood there for what felt like a lifetime. He was quietly observing the rhythmic pulsations of the stars outside when, finally, he heard the double doors slide open.

"Sir," the stormtrooper announced. "She is here."

* * *

"Leave us," said the tall, slender figure at the opposite end of the room. A hood made of heavily woven fabric covered his head and fell down his back. His robes were the same color as pitch – dull and sinister.

As soon as the trooper retreated to the hallway, Roxin collapsed to the ground, her arms barely breaking her fall. The walk from the holding cell greatly exhausted her and she found that she could no longer endure against the lethargic effects of whatever drug they've used in her capture.

She saw him rush to her.

"Roxin!"

Hearing her name called with such familiarity stung her eyes. Her mind commanded her body to rise so that she could meet her friend with dignity; so that she could look beyond Kylo Ren's mask and return the gaze she knew existed underneath that crude metal. Yet here she was: sprawled on the floor, her legs refusing to cooperate.

To her surprise, he bent down and removed his helmet. His pale face stood in contrast to the relative darkness of the room. The years had been kind to him, changing little in his youthful, soft-featured countenance. There was something new – a scar. It ran across the bridge of his nose and descended sharply to the edge of his right cheek. It was saber-born – red, foreign, and violent.

 _Yet it did nothing_ , she thought to herself in her semi-delirious state, _to take away from that... from that …_

He slipped one hand beneath her back and helped her sit up so that her eyes easily met his. There was that gaze - that same one. Thirteen years. Thirteen _long_ years and he still looked at her the same.

"It's the tranquilizer," she heard him say. He was becoming a blur now. Black and white. Light and shadow. She felt her lids grow heavy and her weight sink against his arm. His voice was fading. "I've instructed them clearly that you are _not_ to be harmed. They will pay heavily for this. Hold on. I will get you to the medical bay."

She felt herself being lifted off the ground. Then everything turned to black.

* * *

The medical bay has witnessed its share of battles. The rows of stainless steel stretchers have once borne the weight of the wounded. The black marble floors have known the taste of blood and the walls have contained the agonizing cries of the afflicted. That day, when Kylo Ren stepped past its arched doorways, the bay was eerily placid. There was only the faint gushing sound of regenerative liquid cycling inside tanks and the low hum of a cardiac monitor. Sensing his presence, the lone med-droid approached.

"Sir," the droid said in an apathetic monotone, "The patient's vital signs are within normal limits and her neurotransmitter levels are stabilizing. An intravenous line has been inserted in case there is a need for medications."

"Is she in pain?" Ren asked, impervious to everything else besides the answer to his question.

"No, sir."

"Then you are dismissed."

After locking the bay doors and deactivating the security cameras, Ren strode towards the corner where the only occupant lay. Her skin was bathed by the blue glow emitted by the nearby bacta tanks. She looked unnaturally peaceful – almost surreal. He inched closer until he stood directly over her, his hands instinctively gravitating towards her face. He froze and caught his breath.

How many times had he been tempted to probe the depths of her mind? How many times did he have to stop himself? His reluctance was not just out of fear. He could not allow her to be violated – not by anyone. Especially not by him. It was unthinkable. Sacrilegious. He'd rather wipe out an entire planet than do such a thing.

He let his trembling fingers fall upon her face, his skin barely grazing hers, and gently brushed away a stray strand of hair from her forehead. The intimacy of the gesture sent a shiver up his spine.

He remembered that time in Corellia when she unabashedly took his hands in hers and steadily looked him in the eye despite the hell he'd raised around them. She was always so fearless. So resolute. He'd lost her once. He couldn't imagine it happen again.

By the time Roxin opened her eyes, he'd made up his mind.

* * *

In her dream, she was a child again. Her hair, bleached golden by the Chandrilan sun, fell freely down her shoulders and over her white summer dress. She raced along the shoreline, stumbling over large pebbles and falling face-first into the warmth of the sand.

"Roxin! Stay away from the deep waters, do you hear me?" her mother's voice echoed in the distant.

She ignored it as she always did. Up ahead, she could see her friends waving and laughing and beckoning to her. "Hurry, Roxin! Hurry!"

She got up and quickened her pace. Before she knew it, she was on a rocky outcrop with the other children, all of them staring at the dark depths of the waters below. Then one by one, they donned their breathing masks and disappeared into the ocean. It was a game they played of who could bring back the most interesting artifact from the sea. Roxin was only too eager to join. She planted a foot securely on the edge of the rock, pulled herself back with her hands, and shot forward, allowing herself to be swallowed by the waves.

Roxin didn't know how long she'd been swimming down, but the light from the morning sun gradually began to fade. Soon, the waters turned dark and murky. Roxin felt as if she weren't making any progress, no matter how quickly her legs kicked behind her. Then, suddenly, she saw the stars.

There were millions of them – tiny phosphorescent spherical crystals scattered on the Chandrilan ocean floor. The globes throbbed with light that changed from blue to white then blue again. It seemed as though she was soaring throughout the galaxy, waltzing from one constellation to the next, dancing to the rhythm of the sea. A sense of peacefulness - of stillness - overcame her as she floated above this subaquatic spectacle of lights.

This sensation stayed with her as she ascended to the surface; as she rose past the ocean's quivering veil to meet the white hot sun; and as she was pulled up into her mother's arms and told that her breathing apparatus was broken and it was a miracle that she survived that long underwater.

It stayed with her as she opened her eyes.

* * *

Kylo Ren stepped back and, abandoning all propriety, watched every movement of the girl who unfolded to life before him. She pulled herself up slowly, her unbrushed hair clinging to her neck, her chapped lips parting slightly. She glanced around and took in her surroundings – from the cylindrical blue tanks to the set of numbers blinking on screens. She lifted her left arm and inspected the intravenous catheter that was inserted into her wrist. Finally, her eyes found him.

"Are you – " Ren began but stopped short, not knowing how to proceed. So many questions plagued his mind and he could not decide right there and then what to ask first.

But Roxin somehow knew just what to answer. "Yes, I'm alright."

She smiled.

He felt his muscles tense as he fought hard to overcome the sudden rush of emotions that were now coursing through his veins. He steadied himself and sat down at the foot of her bed.

"They found you in Corellia," Ren finally managed to choke out. He was never good at initiating small talk, and for a second, he cursed himself for saying something so stupid.

If Roxin found his statement absurd, she did not show it. Her smile widened. "I was chatting with the librarian, Mrs. Dinn. Remember her? Bobcut? Huge pearl earrings? She's still alive after all these years, imagine that. She outgrew the cut, but she still wears the pearls. Remember how she claimed to have _lost_ Ollie's library card?"

He struggled to remember and when he did, a small chuckle escaped his lips. He straightened up, surprised at himself. "Yes. I remember. That was certainly intentional."

"She was fond of you, you know? Mrs. Dinn," Roxin continued, sounding so completely at ease. It bothered him that she appeared to be unaffected by the very tension that was stifling him. "She told me how you would devour the books with such speed. I told her, 'Ma'am, if only he'd show the same appetite towards food, then we wouldn't have a problem.'"

She grinned at him. The tension immediately dissipated and they found themselves immersed in laughter. For a moment, they were transported to the trivialities and bliss of their childhood. She reminded him of the Force-influenced Limmie players, of the taste of frozen yogurt, of the beauty of the Corellian sunset, of the wonder and awe inspired by a forest in flames. He could almost breathe in the heavy scent of pine and smoke. For a moment, he was there again, in the forest, with her.

"Roxin," he finally said. "Stay here. With me."

Upon seeing her stiffen, he continued, words spilling on top of one another, "I can offer you a position in the Order. You can replace Nombus Bey. Gibbs. Anything you want."

A second passed. Two. Then three. Her silence devastated him. He cleared his throat and leaned forward. "You will be in a place where you can make the most of yourself. I know that is what you have always wanted. You don't have to leave."

When she still didn't say anything, he succumbed to the outrage simmering within. "Is it still Articus Miyen?" His voice rose with every syllable. "Are you still mourning his death?"

"No!" she screamed, the intensity in her voice surpassing his own. He shrank back as if he'd just been struck. Roxin, suddenly conscious of her outburst, cast her eyes to the floor, though her brows were still furrowed in frustration.

"No," she repeated. The word left her like a breath, barely perceptible. "It was just a childish infatuation that I had, nothing more. I didn't spend the last decade of my life searching for lost memories because of him. I didn't spend these last few months traipsing the entire galaxy because of him."

She lifted her gaze. "It was never Miyen."

He no longer fought the restraints that kept him from her. In an instant, he met her lips with his, and as they kissed, he was pulled into the farthest corners of her mind. He found himself exposed to all her worries and wants and fears. He was surprised to find longing there – the same longing that has haunted him for years. A longing which was now satiated. There were also anger and disappointment. These were directed towards herself, Mort, Ollie, Han, Leia, Luke, Snoke, and even him.

But he also caught glimpses of joy. He saw an ocean and the galaxy of underwater crystals beneath it. He saw the four of them sitting at the edge of a rooftop, legs dangling, and fingers pointing to the sky as they named the planets one by one. He saw himself again and again and again. She was a universe of her own – white and black, light and dark, a scattering of stars amidst the infinite night.

After what seemed like an eternity, she pulled away from him, and at last, he understood why.

"You're afraid," Kylo Ren realized. "That Snoke would have you killed."

She nodded. "I wouldn't last."

"He won't kill you," Ren said, standing up. There was a newfound conviction in his voice and in his movements. "I will not let him. I will make him see."

Suddenly, a loud buzz echoed from the bay entrance. Kylo Ren hastily donned his helmet and walked over to the side panel where he disabled the lock system. The door slid open and in marched a stormtrooper, gun in hand.

The trooper gave the enforcer the customary salute and said, "The Supreme Leader wants to see you. He said to bring the girl."

* * *

Author's Note: This chapter had me floating in tears by the time I finished it. Thank you to those who've read patiently and even left reviews along the way. It really makes me happy that someone somewhere is actually reading my amateur attempts at transforming fangirl feels into words. Thank you.


	9. Part VI - Fall

**PART SIX – FALL**

 **ON BOARD THE** _ **FINALIZER  
**_ **RESURGENT CLASS STAR DESTROYER**

 **Day 20, Month 4, Year 34**

Together, Kylo Ren and Roxin Avaris left the bay and followed the stormtrooper to Snoke's Chamber. There was an unusual flurry of activity around them: troopers running to the arsenal, technicians dashing to the engine room, and pilots heading for the bridge. There were terse commands and anxious inquiries.

"How many are there?"

"Man the guns!"

But the noise wafted in and out of Roxin's subconscious like irrelevant details of a monumental blueprint. She was still recovering from what happened earlier in the medical bay. She felt him there inside her mind and she, in turn, found herself in his.

What she discovered confirmed what she knew all along – that here was a man who lived and breathed and felt; a man who still suffered from insecurities, who struggled to be accepted, who longed to be needed. Here was a man who wanted to continue a legacy, to make a difference, and to simply matter.

Kylo Ren was a man who echoed the raw and human desires of everyone else. It was only his choice which set him apart from most: his choice to walk in the path of the dark.

And Roxin finally understood why. The dark side did not require Ren to conform to society's standards. It did not compel him to change into the ideal well-mannered, sociable, and agreeable individual. It overlooked his introversion and awkwardness and instead encouraged him to be who really is: passionate, devoted, and eager. Snoke offered him what his former world could not: a sense of belonging and importance. A sense of purpose.

Roxin pondered the degree of loyalty Ren has for his new master. This was the very same entity who seduced Ben Solo to the dark side, causing him to assume a new identity and renounce his family and friends. If Snoke threatened to disown him or even kill him, would Kylo Ren allow her to die?

Roxin inhaled deeply. This walk to the Supreme Leader's chambers, she realized, was her final march. _Her march to death._

An ear-splitting boom brought Roxin back to the present. The ground shook and the hall lights above them sparked and sputtered.

Roxin recognized the chrome-armored captain who approached them from the other end of the passageway.

"We are under attack," Phasma announced, stopping abruptly in front of Kylo Ren. "Someone disabled the ship's cloaking device and our coordinates were sent out. The Resistance waited in ambush."

Phasma turned towards Roxin and even though the former's expression was concealed by her helmet, the gesture could not have been more accusatory.

Apparently, Ren sensed this, too. He raised an arm in front of Roxin as if to shield her. "If you assume she is in any way responsible, you are clearly mistaken. It was not her doing. Now go," he told Phasma. "Tell Hux to deploy the TIE fighters and eliminate all Resistance ships. Leave none intact."

Captain Phasma gave a curt nod and hurried off to the bridge.

Outside, a fervent battle ensued between X-wings and TIE fighters. The planes moved in elaborate eclipses, their laser cannons firing a plethora of beams – red and blue, green and orange, each as deadly as the next.

As the Resistance engaged the wrath of the Order's present fleet, an undetected Starbomber of considerable size inched closer to the _Finalize_ r. Hidden by a complex stealth device, the vessel lurked in silence like a predator watching its prey while waiting for the right time to strike.

From the cockpit of the bomber, the bounty hunter carefully adjusted the scope until the target – an adult human female walking alongside Kylo Ren – came into focus on the head-up display. The assassin locked on Roxin Avaris and, wasting no time, pulled the lever and fired.

Ren Force-sensed the incoming torpedo before he saw it hurtling through space. He grabbed hold of Roxin and half-carried her down the hallway just in time to avoid the collision of metal against metal and missile against hull.

The impact tore a large gaping hole at their side of the ship. Immediately, the temperature dropped. All around, red lights began to blink rapidly. A nearby stormtrooper lost his foothold and fell through the blast hole, relentlessly pulled by the gravitational field of the planet below. Upon witnessing this, Roxin let out a scream but nothing came out. She realized that the world was now a vacuum devoid of sound.

Her head suddenly felt like it was being crushed and was about to burst. Her vision blurred and her limbs grew numb. Her pulse heightened. She could not breathe. She felt herself being pulled backwards to the safety of an airlock chamber.

That was when the second missile hit.

The blast shook Kylo Ren off balance and before he realized it, Roxin had already slipped from his arms. He scrambled forward and reached out to the limp body that was now falling past the edge of the disjointed hallway. He fell, his stomach flat on the floor.

For a fraction of a second, his fingers caught hers. He concentrated on Force-lifting her back to him, but a third missile hit and rendered all his efforts useless.

Kylo Ren watched in horror as Roxin's body drifted away, as she gave in to the pull of the planet beneath. He lay there, his arms stretched out, his fingers splayed open, holding on to nothing but emptiness.

Someone – a stormtrooper – tapped his shoulder. Ren was told that his helmet's built-in oxygen supply was depleting and his suit's recompression function had a time limit. He had to leave if he were to survive.

But Kylo Ren didn't move. Not yet. He drew on the Force to fight the fatal interstellar vacuum as his eyes followed the retreating shadow of the woman he loved.

Falling.

Disappearing.

Leaving him for the last time.

That day, to the terror and surprise of the pilots, all nearby Resistance X-wing starfighters spontaneously combusted. Not one survived.

* * *

Somewhere in the farthest reaches of the galaxy, a creature called Snoke smiled to himself. His plan - hiring a mercenary, sabotaging the _Finalizer_ , and allowing the Resistance to attack - was a much better alternative to having Kylo Ren kill Avaris. Her death has served its purpose. It reinforced Kylo Ren's animosity towards the Republic and the Resistance.

 _Yes_ , Snoke thought with utmost satisfaction. _It widened the rift between Kylo Ren and the light._


	10. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

Ancient Jedi scholars called the phenomenon "breath control".

This ability allowed Force-users to reserve sufficient oxygen in their lungs, thus enabling them to endure long periods without breathing. In some, this capability can extend to the repressurization of blood vessels which prevents the body from collapsing even when exposed to a vacuum.

Force-users need to undergo extensive training in order to master these skills. Some, however, unconsciously learn it at a young age after continuous exposure to subaquatic environments.

Roxin Avaris was once again dreaming of underwater constellations when Poe Dameron's reconnaissance ship found and rescued her.

A sense of peace overcame her as she opened her eyes.

* * *

Author's Note: Hi everyone! I apologize that the story has to end here because, well, the main character finally found what she was looking for. The conflict is resolved. I really had no intention of extending the story to the point where there's a wedding and Kylo Ren has kids and all that. I might write a sequel after Episode VIII comes out, when inspiration strikes, and when I see how I could weave Roxin into the original advancing plot.

I know this isn't the Oscars and I haven't won anything, but I'd like to thank the following: Wookiepedia for being my virtual story consultant; Coldplay, Sleeping at Last, Racing Glaciers, and the 8tracks community for providing the much needed background music; Adam Driver for his stunning performance as Kylo Ren which inspired my fangirl heart; and most of all, I'd like to give many thanks to the readers and reviewers. I swear. It really makes a difference when you're writing something and you're so caught up in it and other people (from all over the world!) are reading and appreciating what you've come up with. Thank you.

I really hope you weren't disappointed. Please let me know what you think of the entire story and leave me a review below.


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